“There are many things in your heart you can never tell to another person. They are you, your private joys and sorrows, and you can never tell them. You cheapen yourself, the inside of yourself, when you tell them.” -- Greta Garbo

Saturday, April 18, 2009


Yesterday Chik-fil-a was giving out free biscuits, and my mother got three. I ate two chicken biscuits. Two! I had started so well, too; I only had a banana around 4:30 a.m. (oh yeah, I forgot to mention in the first post that I have weird sleeping patterns). Well, I did well the rest of the day by only eating some almonds and two 10cal sugar-free jellos. Total was about 1070. Secretly, I don't really regret the biscuits because they were fucking DELISH. And at least they weren't, like, Hardee's biscuits that are absolutely drenched in butter (but still tasty, tbh...).

Anyway, I think I got offtrack because there's nothing in the house that's really safe to eat. You see, my mother is an idiot. She complains about being too fat, so instead of getting better eating habits she begins wearing all black 85% of the time and eats half a tub of ice-cream before falling asleep at night. She has a killer sweet tooth and buys awful, sugary crap all the time. Currently, there's: apple cinnamon-flavored honey buns (wtf?), three tubs of ice cream in the freezer, two huge-ass pastries covered in chocolate and powdered sugar, and copious amounts of pocky littered around.

Needless to say, I have to deal with her bad foods when all my good foods now are gone (my grapefruit juice, my fruits, my granola...). But! I'm not going to give in, because I don't really care for sweets anyway, and I absolutely can get smaller! I've been doing so well, and I'm at 108, yay! Admittedly, I've been at 108 for a few days, but I'm on my period so there may be some water weight. I was a little relieved when my period came, even though I knew I was no where near a point where I'd loose it.

Today I'm starting a 2468 diet, but done my way. I don't like the standard one because the biggest meal is in the evening, and I always eat the most in the morning, and I don't have a lot of the foods it lists. So I'll improvise. Today for the 2 I'm planning on a slice of bakery bread (90-100 cal) for breakfast, and then cucumber slices, almonds, and maybe a 10cal jello for the rest of day. I'll just go with the flow with those last three, but still keep track of calories.

I do measurements every Saturday, so I'm planning on doing them later. Not really looking forward to it, because last time they hadn't changed much.

I'm think of revising my 100lb goal -- I don't know if that's enough for me anymore. But I don't want to become unhealthy. A lot of ana/mia girls say that nothing, including being healthy, matters more than being thin. I think that's complete bullshit. Being thin isn't going to be the magical solution to all your problems, and if you start thinking it will then you let your weight control you rather than vise-versa. So what's the pont of being thin if you're so unhealthy and obsessed you can't enjoy it? That's why I'm promising myself that if I start becoming like that I'll stop and seriously reevaluate.

Well. Have some Greta Garbo, my fave actress of all time:


In Camille.

In Grand Hotel with John Barrymore. Btw, in case you didn't know, John Barrymore is Drew Barrymore's grandfather. I always think she looks just like him.

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