“There are many things in your heart you can never tell to another person. They are you, your private joys and sorrows, and you can never tell them. You cheapen yourself, the inside of yourself, when you tell them.” -- Greta Garbo

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


Note: I meant to post this last night, but people came into the room where our computer is and wouldn't leave.

Aha. This is Allison, from this season of ANTM right now. Like, wtf, rite? Ahaha..

Anyway. Yesterday I did well; had about 298 cals. Today I was doing good, too. Had a grapefruit, fiber bar, and half a sandwhich (375 total), but then I came home. And my mom was all like, we're going to go eat with your brother. And he picked out the restaurant.

Now, my mom's already found some of my thrown out food and has commented on what I eat lately. So I didn't want to ring the alarms anymore than neccessary. So I went instead of trying to bail out.

We go to a really great Chinese restaurant; like, ACTUAL Chinese food. Not the crappy knockoff "food" that you get at buffets and whatnot. So, I order the spicy chili fish and completely expect it to be sauteed, like it said on the menu. It comes out battered and fried. The hell. I also had appetizers. Crab ragoon and these sticky rice wrap things. But my fish. It. Was. Freaking. DELISH. It was SO SO SO spicy. Like, it had my brother sweating when he tried it, it was that spicy. And he isn't a pansy when it comes to food. I hadn't had something spicy in forever. I love spicy foods, but they're usually too high-cal, high-fat, etc. Oh man it was good. And. I hate to say it, but I don't feel too bad about it. I probably will in the morning when I get on the scale, though.

But the whole dinner was depressing and embarrasing. My mom's boyfriend confused the crap out of the poor waiters when he brought in his business partners to do some contract signing at the next table. That was completely rude. I mean, we come to eat with my brother and he just decides that that is a good time to do business. Like, wth. Then, he puts sweet & low in his hot tea (Sweet & Low. In hot jamine tea. In a nice tea set.) and gets up and leans into the kitchen to bug the waitress about the empty teapot.

And my brother was as high as a kite. I could tell he'd been smoking a ton of weed before he came, because he was seriously hungry and his eyes were bloodshot. I think he must have taken something else too, because he was all crabby and ticked off. He's such a failure. He's in his mid-twenties now, and he's never had a real job, and he only has his GED. He's not a retard or anything, but he's too lazy to do anything but play video games and work at a restaurant.

Anyway. I have to decide what to do about food now. I probably ate over 1000 calories today. I may try to redo today and get back on track with the 3579.


PrettyWreck said...

Don't beat yourself up over it--you're doing good in not feeling bad. Sometimes, we need to keep up appearances, and we also need to treat ourselves. Once in a while indulging isn't so bad. It's just when you start becoming gluttonous that it's terrible. It wasn't a binge, and it wasn't a lack of control, you know? You ate, because you needed to, and also because you deserved a treat. You made the conscience choice, and that's what counts.

You'll be back on track in no time, and doing great. I'm very proud of you. ♥

But your picture will give me nightmares, and I will blame you for them. K?

skinny love said...

The disgusting Chinese buffet I went to was...disgusting.

At least your food was authentic!