“There are many things in your heart you can never tell to another person. They are you, your private joys and sorrows, and you can never tell them. You cheapen yourself, the inside of yourself, when you tell them.” -- Greta Garbo

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

the warrior falls flat on her face.

Scale said 115.4 this morning. Probably all water weight, so I'm reserving my feelings about it...

I watched a bunch of documentaries today on BBC Amuurica about body image, beauty, etc, etc. One was Super Skinny Me, where two journalists attempt to get into the habits of anorexics. I thought it was interesting how one was dying to "be normal" again during the process while the other one seemed to be really affected by the experiment. The first one admitted from the beginning to have never had a problem with her weight and to even have been model small in her teens. The affected one had had troubles with her weight during puberty while dealing with a boy-dominated boarding school. The affected one went through that familiar cycle - strict restriction with anxiety concerning weight loss/gain, some success, and then binge eating uncontrollably and some purging. Towards the end of the experiment, she seemed almost to be legitimately suffering from an ED when she went to the doctor's and had a mini freakout over them weighing her.

I was really struck with the differences between the journalist's backgrounds. And it seems like it's always something lurking behind the turmoil of restricting and such. Like, the one who had never been particularly bothered with her body image was participating in the experiment from a feminist point of view -- being critical of the media that creates ED girls. The other was participating to be similiarly socially critical, but also to be involved genuinely because of her weight problems in adolescence.

Well. In other news, I feel tired as hell from lack of food. But I did some stair running and tried out some yoga. It was the "warrior" routine, and I'm sure I looked like an idiot. I couldn't do the hardest bit right - balancing on one leg with a hand on the ground to hold weight - and fell over a bunch. Lol. Doing the buddha poses feels silly, too.

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