Mothers.

What exactly is it about mothers? What is it that makes us so insanely aggravated by them, or what is it that compulses them to get on our last nerves?

This happened a few days ago. My mom had a friend over when I came home from school. The friend commented on how skinny I looked (which is like, yeah but not enough..) and my mom is all like "Because she refuses to eat." And the friend is all, "What!" And I'm all, "No, I eat, I just don't eat like you, you pig." I didn't actually say that. But I wish I had; it's true. And dammit, don't go around talking about me like that to other people. She has no sense of discretion at all.

I came home this weeked and my mom had bought a whole freaking cake for herself. Over half of it was already eaten, even though I had only been gone for two days. And last night, she bought this box of chocolate Chex Mix bar thingies and when I came home, they were all freaking gone. And then, she has the nerve to complain about getting fat. Goddamit I hate her.

I don't really hate her; I hate dealing with her. I don't actually care enough to really hate/love her. I dunno, I just don't have anything in common with her. I'm sort of intelligent, analytical, conservative, and have no patience whatsoever for being emotional, sentimental, etc. etc. She's really dumb (people say their mothers are dumb, but mine ACTUALLY is; I'm really not exaggerating), completely driven by her urges and emotions, and easily buys into crap like Oprah, Dr. Phil, and NBC news. She's the perfect example of the type of person I simply can't deal with, because their manner of thinking is so alien and bizarre to me.

Btw, is anyone a coffee guru? I've started drinking coffee, and so far have only done iced lattees with nonfat milk and iced americanos. Just using medium roast Folgers. How do you do your coffee? I'll have access to a ginder over the summer, so I may experiment with that.

Summer Challenge 2009

(original post here)

Age: 18

Current Weight: 106

Goal Weight Loss: 100 (6 lbs)

Personal Goal: To read at least two books a month. Serious reading. I've always been a reader, but lately I've been lax about really digging into a book with depth. The books I plan to read may mostly be various nonfiction (philosophy, anthropology, history..) and I'll be taking notes. Any fiction I read that has no depth will not count as one of the two books. (Btw, I find reading to be a great distractor from hunger..) I may post some thoughts/reviews of the books, although it's doubtful that anyone is interested in my nerdiness.

Biggest Challenges: Staying on track. I tend to loose focus and, as a consequence, start to fall into a tailspin of failure. Or sit on my laurels and think that I'm safe. Also, I'm at a point where it's not easy to lose weight; it's a struggle to get rid of a single pound.

I'll post a pic when I find my camera... Um. Yeah.

Question For Week #1

HOLY SHIT! YOU CAUGHT A LEPRECHAUN!

Instead of gold, he gives you a choice.

You can either:

A) Be forever the weight of your dreams, and never have to worry about gaining a pound.

or

B) Be the richest person in the world, and your money will never run out

A. I don't believe in getting rich quick. You know all those lottery winners who end up ruining their lives because all they do is buy mansions and Porshes? And all those trust fund babies who are the hugest bro-fag/spoiled-princess dicks? They're like that because they don't know the value of a dollar. And yeah, that sounds like your crotchety old great-grandfather, because our crotchety old great-grandfathers knew something about earning what you own. They didn't have credit cards or even checks like we do today. They didn't try to live beyond their means.

Of course, I suppose A is also a quick-fix option. But, I see it like this: plenty of people are thin without trying just because of genetics, but they still value it. So, yeah. Lol, serious tyme up in this bitch, amorite? lol

(P.S.: I'm kinda Libertarian, but w/o the guns.)

Terrible.

WARNING: This post contains potentially craving triggering words. Just warning.


This post is meant to show me how terribly I've eaten today. It's to remind me of all the parts of the insane amount of food I've consumed. I am to look at this whenever I have a binging mood; if I see this, maybe I'll feel such horror at the idea of eating like a pig that I'll tell food to fuck off.

I live in the South. And, the South has amazing comfort foods. AMAZING. For Mother's Day, we went to this family-style restaurant where they bring out platters of food that everyone helps themselves from. And this place had the all of those amazing comfort foods.

This is all of what I had: fried chicken, fried okra (tons of fried okra), creamed corn, carrot souffle, mashed potatoes, cornbread, cornbread salad, soup beans with ham, collard greens with vinegar, green beans with ham, steak and gravy, and rhubarb cobbler with ice cream.

Ugh ugh ugh.

Pretty

I guess I was wrong.

I did, in fact, need you, oreos. 13. 13! I'm so ashamed. All spread out through the day. And that's not all. Today was a major carb binge day. Approx. 1560 cals.

I worked out like crazy, though. Lunges, squatz, leg lifts, crunches, and an hour and a half on the exercise bike. So that, including my "lifestyle," still gave me a calorie deficit of 1715 (according to FitDay, the website I use for calorie counting and weight tracking). But I'm sure my BMR is so screwed now that the deficit is much lower. Argh...

I read an article earlier that said that women who eat less than 1200 calories a day can slow down their metabolisms up to 45%. 45! And, according to various calculators and things that I've done, I should be eating about 1500-1200 calories a day. But I usually stay within the 300-1000 range, with the occasional day like today with 1500-1700.

Ugh. I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to start a juice fast and another part of me wants to eat "normally" for a few days to boost my metabolism. But. Next week I have important meals to think about. My senior banquet, my lunch before graduation, and the dinner after graduation. I'm afraid that if I start eating "normally" for a few days, and then have those meals at the end, I'll completely loose control.

I think this is what I'll do: "fast" as much as I can. I.e. skip as many meals as possible, but if there's an occasion when I can't avoid it, I won't sweat it if I have to eat the fish or the chicken or w/e. I'm not going to sacrifice those special meals. The formalized meal is a special ritual that humans are intrinsically attatched to. We celebrate with meals, we mourn with meals, we express love with meals. Knowing the right time to indulge with a meal is key, though. Anyway, after graduation, I'll eat "normally" for 2-3 days for a metabolism boost, then go from there.

Dear self: you want to be fabulous in your banquet dress and your graduation dress. You also will NOT eat any more oreos.

Chocolate Thinspo

Screw you oreos. I don't need you. I don't need all your sugar and fat. I don't need your unsupportive b.s. Do you know why? Because I can have chocolate thinspo instead, dammit.

Ubah Hassan and Alek Wek.

In the dictionary, next to "amazing" is this picture of Alek's body. Dayum.

THAT Profile

I like interesting, strong profiles. Not just on models, but on anyone. There's something about a profile, as opposed to a direct frontal view, that has a more subtle, yet more stark beauty. I like seeing the type of person who can have an amazing profile, but a so-so frontal, and vise-versa.

Well, anyway. Weight was the same. Total intake today: 400-450 cal.

I have a question for anyone in the know: Recently, I've been doing a lot of C&S'ing. I read somewhere that even if you don't swallow, you're absorbing calories somehow through the mouth. Is this true? If so, what's the percent absorbed?

I'm doing well getting it all spit out before I swallow as a reflex. The trick, for me, is to not chew the food completely. I'm so used to now chewing my food until it's liquefied (sp?) that I can pull a fast one on my mouth by spitting out. And my mouth is all like, "WTF BIOTCH. THAT OREO WAS REALLY TASTY." ;-;

My mom bought a huge thing of oreos. ::sob:: At least there's no milk or peanut butter in the house. I would be seriously screwed otherwise. Unscrew the oreo + a touch of peanut butter in the middle + reconstructing the pumped oreo + dunking it half (half!! for optimum mixture of soggy + crunchy) = FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUU- delish!

Sorry if that made you crave oreos. Writing about it was a nice release...